Hello Blog

I thought blogging would be something I won't tire of but turns out, given the micro-blogging effect of Facebook, I slowly succumbed to blogging almost rarely.

Today, I was alone in the office and work wasn't too much that I decided to see how my dear blog was doing---this is why I'm writing. I guess it's to keep this online journal of mine on the sidelines. A read of the past which carried me to the future. One day it's nice to remember certain phases of my life then smile about it and say...wow was that a rough ride.

I do have to say Thank You Blog---for without you, I would have had no output for certain thoughts I and only you understand.

those pondering moments

Having a job nowadays is a treasure for many people and I'm thankful for having one that understands the demands of being a parent and pays nicely without draining my being.

However, sometimes it comes to me that I want to quit; a thought that's very strong specially during my children's school breaks. Of course we go somewhere for a 2-week beach vacation but the guilt of not having 24 hours with them sinks in mostly when I remember the time I had FOR them when we were in Germany---even our dear dog, Jake had my full attention back then.

Again, that was then. Our helper has taken over the house maintenance and has given me the freedom to do something else for myself. I'm in the present and this is where and what I should live in (for now); not the past that I also have had the chance to enjoy. I have to think differently. That I'm not really losing my time with the family, it's just that I have something in the past to compare it with hence this feeling.

Making the best of every time we're together is key and that is what I should ponder on more.

Romancing the stone...

DISCLOSURE: I received an email containing these words and I liked it. So I copy/pasted these particular lines here in this blog to serve as my personal reminder for certain things... A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said. No. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever. And he said no. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.. You're not pretty you're beautiful.... I don't want to be with you forever, I NEED to be with you forever.. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...I'd die...

Me on being 12.

Our marriage is a dozen year old and I couldn't be more impressed at what those years made of us---of ME. The happy times to treasure and the challenging ones that made ME the woman I am now. Most of us know that marriage can be blissful yet can be the most difficult relationship because it's a continuous evolution of two individuals. Similar yet different in various ways.

Without doubt, I am not the same woman he met years back. I neither accept nor live by the phrase, "where's that woman I married?" and vice versa because that person has surely matured physically, emotionally, mentally AND hormonally. Of course we try and keep the good qualities that our partners fell in love with in the first place but come on, I'd probably be bored with myself had I stayed the person I am a decade ago. Insecure. Weak. Dependent.

That was then...I hope I improved a bit ;-) Besides, only a dead butterfly rots in their cocoon right?

So I'm glad to be where I am now. Grateful for the smooth and rough journeys of the past years that showed me what I'm capable of facing and blessed to be in my sturdy shoes.

Goodbye 2009

Without realizing it, 2009 was over and a new year is faced. The stories and happenings in this web journal ARE but a few of the many things that have transpired. The unwritten ones are either those that I will treasure for myself in silence and those that I deem unnecessary to dwell further on.

Some memories are meant to just be memories...

Riddles for the Soul-O

When everything seemed right and going the right way---here you go again!

You foolish, foolish you. Why the need to come into sight and darken the already brightening view?!

It is clear that things move on despite how strong the pull to not to but still does.

Regrets do not happen because mistakes are made. Regrets happen when what shouldn't couldn't but it did and then the rude awakening that you are where you are when you don't want to but have to.

It doesn't make sense, does it? But surely it does when it doesn't...

Beloved Christian

If you'd ask my family about my reading 'ability', they'd say, "Justice? she doesn't read." bwahaha Am not really a fan of books but there are "chosen ones" that would get my attention. There's no definition of what types I read, it just has to be worth it. Here's a video that caught my hard, sentimental side--and why the book "A Lion called Christian" is worth my time. If this is NOT love, then I don't know what is. I still don't understand why people don't get the difference?

Smiling Moment

Today, my youngest did the sweetest thing.    As he called out to say goodbye when the schoolbus arrived, I was drying my hair and the noisy appliance hindered my ability to hear and wasn't able to return him wishes of a good day and i love you's. His dad told me that he literally stood by the gate, waiting for a response and when there was none, he turned to him and said, "Papa, can you please make sure that you tell Mommy I left already?" Dad says "Yes, I will."  "Make sure ok? You must go up to Mommy and tell her." "Yes, ok, I will." And off he went.

Next thing I saw was a smiling man going towards me as he told the scenario word per word.

Mama Mia...here we go again

My daughter is now 10 yrs old and I see that she's entering the nursery stage of puberty and boy I think I have to get one of those "Puberty for Dummies" book. 

Not that I'm actually hoping this happens but I'm merely anticipating it so I could better MY self-control, patience and understanding on what our daughter will be going through as early as possible. Practice makes perfect they say but with children, there's no amount of practice to make us really ready for what's to come. We can just save enough strength and sanity to get through it.

The root of this is because I know I wasn't an easy one either. ouch.

(Bracing myself)

Turning the table...

Currently in the midst of decision making. Back or not. Yes or no. Try or let it go. All of which were propositions to go forward once more. Perhaps it'll work out, perhaps not. But what are the choices anyway? To either go and bite the bait, enter risky business and be strong OR cower in a corner and be bullied by unimaginable, unpredictable scenarios. 

One becomes different and changes in every chapter. Unconcerned with what is deemed of no real worth to existence. Family and good friends will be there if they're real. If not, then it's not worth ticking the clock for. There are more important things that matter.

When you miss out a period of your life and find it in the most unusual timing, you realize the better half has been hiding way too long. You're not there to please others rather satisfy yourself.---Selfishness and self preservation as I said before have something in common. 

Lesson learned? Life doesn't stop...it makes a pause then finds its way to a probably better road. Just curious why is it that when you don't want anymore, it becomes wanted.     go figure   :-)

Someone once said to me: "the truly happy person is one who still enjoys the scenery even when taking a detour"---hmmm, the detours were worth every turn. 

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Is A Season
When All Things are Full of Bliss,
It's a Time I Feel so Awesome
But You I clearly Miss...

It is Not just This Season
That I Wish You the Best
My Thoughts are With You,
From North to South
And East to West...

to be ONE

You've touched a soul like no one has ever had

You've put a smile on lips that have been sealed,
You've erased memories hoped to be forgotten
You've mended wounds that wanted to be healed.



You've flown great distances in all your travels
You've crossed oceans farther than anyone can see,
Your existence is a gift to anyone who knows you
Your unselfish love has made things possible to be...

It is a friendship, shared and nurtured. It is a bond, forever treasured.

Between The Lines

If distance they say is a way to get closer,
why do I feel that it makes us farther apart?
If distance they say will make the heart long,
why do I know that it is there that I belong?

Absence speak louder than presence
It is a fact that is felt as days pass---
Longed for are the times of possible encounters
Thankful for the brief moments of togetherness.

To think how far and away you are brings frustration
I am not victorious when it comes to waiting,
Time is of the essence as we live in this world
I have waited long enough and hurdled.

The sun sets and rises with you in my thoughts
following the rhythm of the day as it beats--
Nothing has changed since the first time,
Nothing will change if only you were mine.

Shadows of a Glimpse

The darkness of the night could not conceal the radiance of the heart,
The years of absence has been broken by the amorous stare
Every word uttered is a journey through time---
A glimpse of the imaginable is shared in the deafening silence.

The yearning clashes the reality of distance and uncertainty
The confidence, the grace, the contentment within,
Knowing what to want yet not to despair when expectations fall short
Living life to its fullest but not questioning its incertitude.

A gentle voice, soothing and affectionate--
Comforting to a passion dismayed and unsettled
The openness and honesty is whole-heartedly offered
Giving assurance that trust is not just a feeling but more than just a word.

Doubting the inevitable truth is more hurtful than a shattered heart
The power of presence is felt through untouchable yet tangible memories...
It is then that you discover what lies within the past
Giving a cold glimpse of what could have been...